Merriam-Webster define character as "moral excellence and firmness". I love this definition. Firmness is such an important part of character. It means that even though you may practice moral excellence, you must also stand up for yourselves and others. I am the most proud of my daughter when she exhibts these qualities, not getting a 100 on her test, although that makes me happy too!
So where do our children learn character. Of course parents, educators and family play a major role, but what do they learn when we aren't influencing them? I know this is scary, but the average American child between the age of 8 and 18 spend almost 4 hours a day in front of the TV and another 2 hours in front of a computer (not including schoolwork) and video games. According to studies by the University of Michigan and Parents TV, the number of minutes parents spend in meaningful conversation with their children is 3.5! While children are watching 1,680 minutes of TV a week. As powerful and as great a role model as you may be, the time differential is much too great. We need to spend more time with our kids and they need to spend less time in front of the TV and video games. In future posts I will address some of these issues in greater detail, but what is the result of so much TV?
While I believe many of these tests are inconclusive, Dr. John Nelson of the American Medical Association reports that in 2,888 of 3,000 studies, TV violence is a "casual factor" in real life. When I sift through the research as to what that really means, I'll report back to you. And of course all this inactivity also leads to obesity. A National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey found a more than a 100% increase in obesity since the 1960's.
I'm digressing a bit from character, but I wanted show what we are up against if we allow our children to watch so much TV. I certainly don't want my daughter learning her ethics from "Zach and Cody" or "iCarly".
There are several organizations that have programs and information to help you with teaching your child ethics and character. Character Counts has seminars and performs research. You can order a survey for your school on the site as well. Another great site I found is the Utah Education Network. This site has classroom activities and strategies to improve character.If you click on "Class extensions" the "Strategies for empowering Students" you will see all of the classroom activities they have to offer. While it's nice that more and more schools are offering character building programs, the primary responsibility lies with parents. Many of these thought provoking exercises serve to reinforce what you have probably been stressing for years, but the excercise may strike a cord with your child and of course it is more quality time with your child.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Moral Standards- are they really getting worse?
It's hard to gauge something like "moral standards" or "personal ethics", and since our society is constantly changing, does our standards for decency get eroded? Looking at our society today, it seems that the world in general is a better place to live. The world community seems to reel in rogue nations, and great cruelty is a great call to action as long as it is on a large scale and in the media. But our society seems to be moving to a middle ground where you can be "too nice" and at the same time, recognizes the truly bad behavior. "Too nice" seems absurd, but these people are derided as naive or out of touch. The middle ground, where it seems most people want to be, is slowly shifting away from ideal ethical behavior.
While researching my initial assumption, I found a study of American Teenagers in 2008 by the non-profit Josephson Institute. In the study, almost 30,000 teenagers were asked a variety of questions regarding lying, cheating and stealing behaviors.
Here are the results,
30% admitted to stealing from a store in the past year (35% boys/26% girls)
83% admitted to lying to their parents about something significant
64% admitted to cheating on a test
But apparently, the teenagers did not feel these were very serious dishonest acts as 93% of the students felt they were satisfied with their character and 77% felt they were better at doing the right thing than most people.
You may be wondering, as I was, how this compares to prior years and each result was 2-4% worse than just 2 years ago. It has been a trend since they have performed these tests.
Teenagers are not the only segment of our society where ethical behavior is an issue. In studies by groups such as "Business for Social Responsibility" and the "Institute of Business Ethics", as well as countless published research by psychologists show that our ethical behavior is declining in the workplace.
All of this research leads me to believe that our impressions are grounded in fact, the moral and ethical standards of our society are slowly eroding.
In all cases where they choose to measure it, the "harmless" lying, cheating and small scale stealing does not hurt the self image. We see ourselves as having fine character and our behaviors as ethical. We are slowly becoming a society of moderate morality. As long as we aren't "that bad" we are "basically good people". We are desensitized to minor ethical flaws because they have become so prevalent, so normal and so expected, that we are suprised when a person tells someone else that they just dropped a $20 bill out of their wallet.
I want to change this, I want people to tell me when I drop $20 out of my wallet, but most of all I want my daughter and other kids like her to grow up knowing what the right thing to do really means.
While researching my initial assumption, I found a study of American Teenagers in 2008 by the non-profit Josephson Institute. In the study, almost 30,000 teenagers were asked a variety of questions regarding lying, cheating and stealing behaviors.
Here are the results,
30% admitted to stealing from a store in the past year (35% boys/26% girls)
83% admitted to lying to their parents about something significant
64% admitted to cheating on a test
But apparently, the teenagers did not feel these were very serious dishonest acts as 93% of the students felt they were satisfied with their character and 77% felt they were better at doing the right thing than most people.
You may be wondering, as I was, how this compares to prior years and each result was 2-4% worse than just 2 years ago. It has been a trend since they have performed these tests.
Teenagers are not the only segment of our society where ethical behavior is an issue. In studies by groups such as "Business for Social Responsibility" and the "Institute of Business Ethics", as well as countless published research by psychologists show that our ethical behavior is declining in the workplace.
All of this research leads me to believe that our impressions are grounded in fact, the moral and ethical standards of our society are slowly eroding.
In all cases where they choose to measure it, the "harmless" lying, cheating and small scale stealing does not hurt the self image. We see ourselves as having fine character and our behaviors as ethical. We are slowly becoming a society of moderate morality. As long as we aren't "that bad" we are "basically good people". We are desensitized to minor ethical flaws because they have become so prevalent, so normal and so expected, that we are suprised when a person tells someone else that they just dropped a $20 bill out of their wallet.
I want to change this, I want people to tell me when I drop $20 out of my wallet, but most of all I want my daughter and other kids like her to grow up knowing what the right thing to do really means.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Inappropriate Programming
Currently we rely on the FCC to police programming and develop rules for content on the network broadcasts, but cable stations have a different set of rules. Cable stations also have a responsibility to control what is shown to the different target audiences that are attracted to their shows, but the FCC has no jurisdiction over them. And even though the FCC does have a minimum standard, it frequently misses the mark or does not conform to many parent's idea of appropriateness. One example of this lack of attention is the use of inappropriate advertisements during childrens shows, most notably R-rated movie promos or promos for shows with adult themes that air later, some after Prime time (after 10PM).
The rating system does offer some general guidance but parents need to know what their children are watching. One example is Hannah Montana, the wildy popular show about a teenage student who also leads a secret life of a pop star. The show seems to have a good message at the end, there are no discussions about sex and there are some positive role models, but in my opionion, this show is for kids 12 and up. I say "in my opinion" because every parent has different ideas about appropriateness. My feelings are, the newer episodes in particular are primarily about relationships with frequent kissing, a focus on materialistic possessions, body consciousness, rude behavior to each other and adults, numerous and consistant lying and sneaky behavior. My comments make it sound worse than it actually is and I think that generally there is a wholesome tone to the show. A 12 year old will have no problem differentiating the fantasy from reality but the issues are too complex for a younger child to understand fully.
I have found a resources that you might find useful when determining if you want your child to watch a particular program. Go to Common Sense Media and find the show you want more information about. You can read reviews about various programs to have as much information as possible to help you make your choice.
If you feel you would like to voice your opinion directly to a network, follow the link below for contact information.
Parents Television Counsil
The rating system does offer some general guidance but parents need to know what their children are watching. One example is Hannah Montana, the wildy popular show about a teenage student who also leads a secret life of a pop star. The show seems to have a good message at the end, there are no discussions about sex and there are some positive role models, but in my opionion, this show is for kids 12 and up. I say "in my opinion" because every parent has different ideas about appropriateness. My feelings are, the newer episodes in particular are primarily about relationships with frequent kissing, a focus on materialistic possessions, body consciousness, rude behavior to each other and adults, numerous and consistant lying and sneaky behavior. My comments make it sound worse than it actually is and I think that generally there is a wholesome tone to the show. A 12 year old will have no problem differentiating the fantasy from reality but the issues are too complex for a younger child to understand fully.
I have found a resources that you might find useful when determining if you want your child to watch a particular program. Go to Common Sense Media and find the show you want more information about. You can read reviews about various programs to have as much information as possible to help you make your choice.
If you feel you would like to voice your opinion directly to a network, follow the link below for contact information.
Parents Television Counsil
Respecting Authority
This is a topic with so many paths. Let's just briefly touch on why people feel that authority has let them down. Fifty years ago, respect for authority seemed to be ingrained in our culture and society. Our Elders, town leaders, police officers, etc. all held positions of honor within the society. But as the scandals became more numerous, as the incidents of inappropriate actions increased, our respect has slowly eroded. On many levels, the authority figures have not lived up to there roles in our society. But these are not the authority figures I refer to.
Popular media has made it fun or seemingly appropriate to question the motives of everyone. I know a reasonable amount of scepticism can be healthy, but I am talking about the people that have earned our respect. The parents, teachers, co-workers, politicians, etc.
So how did this happen? It has actually been a long process, where the standards of acceptability have been changed. It is now OK to call all adults by their first name. Not a big deal to some, but a slight erosion of respect nonetheless. It's now OK to wear casual clothing at work, but studies show it erodes workplace behavior. People constantly walk in late without a word of apology or they maneuver to try and bypass other people in line. The examples are endless. This is a result of many years of building a society of arrogant, self-centered and entitled children.
If a 5 year old child sees a program about a 15 year old child, they will attempt to act like the 15 year old. If a 15 year old sees adult programs, like "Desperate Housewives" (The #1 rated broadcast network show for the age group 9-12), they might think that the behaviors seen are appropriate.
Many of today's programming show adults as buffoons or inept parents. They also tend to feature a precocious kid that gets all the funny lines by being sarcastic or rude, many times directed towards adults. No wonder kids show such a lack of respect for older people, they think we're all buffoons! Much of the media also focuses on very young adults with either wealth, fame or extremely high profile jobs. This unrealistic portrayal of a "normal" life contributes to the feeling of entitlement so prevalent now. The attitude of "I've been with this company for two years and I'm STILL in customer service" serves to create a generation of unhappy workers whose lives aren't moving fast enough.
I will delve into each of these facets on my Blog, but we all have the opportunity to make a difference. We can discuss with our kids what they see, to help them process all of the information they are exposed to. We can limit what they watch and are exposed to and we can make available healthier alternatives. We can contact the companies that don't seem to care and say "no" to products that refuse to listen. Believe me, a company will change there practices if it hurts them financially. Thank you for listening.
Popular media has made it fun or seemingly appropriate to question the motives of everyone. I know a reasonable amount of scepticism can be healthy, but I am talking about the people that have earned our respect. The parents, teachers, co-workers, politicians, etc.
So how did this happen? It has actually been a long process, where the standards of acceptability have been changed. It is now OK to call all adults by their first name. Not a big deal to some, but a slight erosion of respect nonetheless. It's now OK to wear casual clothing at work, but studies show it erodes workplace behavior. People constantly walk in late without a word of apology or they maneuver to try and bypass other people in line. The examples are endless. This is a result of many years of building a society of arrogant, self-centered and entitled children.
If a 5 year old child sees a program about a 15 year old child, they will attempt to act like the 15 year old. If a 15 year old sees adult programs, like "Desperate Housewives" (The #1 rated broadcast network show for the age group 9-12), they might think that the behaviors seen are appropriate.
Many of today's programming show adults as buffoons or inept parents. They also tend to feature a precocious kid that gets all the funny lines by being sarcastic or rude, many times directed towards adults. No wonder kids show such a lack of respect for older people, they think we're all buffoons! Much of the media also focuses on very young adults with either wealth, fame or extremely high profile jobs. This unrealistic portrayal of a "normal" life contributes to the feeling of entitlement so prevalent now. The attitude of "I've been with this company for two years and I'm STILL in customer service" serves to create a generation of unhappy workers whose lives aren't moving fast enough.
I will delve into each of these facets on my Blog, but we all have the opportunity to make a difference. We can discuss with our kids what they see, to help them process all of the information they are exposed to. We can limit what they watch and are exposed to and we can make available healthier alternatives. We can contact the companies that don't seem to care and say "no" to products that refuse to listen. Believe me, a company will change there practices if it hurts them financially. Thank you for listening.
Screening "Youtube"
I have to admit that I really like Youtube. There are many great videos out there that capture some amazing or interesting moments. The problem is, many of the videos are altered to add comments or are spliced to other videos, many of them inappropriate or offensive. There is also a comment section under videos where people may post comments about the video. Many of these comments are offensive too. I won't go into the comment content in this post, it's a full discussion in and of itself.
Even with the filters on Youtube, there is always a "filmmaker" that is able to get around these filters until they are caught and removed. But many of them enjoy finding ways to sneak content in seemingly innocent videos. Here are the steps to filter Youtube video content, taken directly from the Youtube site.
Go to any YouTube page.
Click the "Search" button.
Click the Advanced Options link at the top right of the search results page.
In the blue window that appears, select the box for "Filter videos that may not be suitable for minors."
In addition Youtube offers some helpful hints
Flag videos that violate our Community Guidelines.
Keep personal videos private.
Block users whose comments or messages are bothering you.
Keep comments clean and respectful.
Of course, even with the "keep comments clean and respectful" hint, you can imagine how well that works. My advice is, don't search for kids videos with your child next to you. Find appropriate videos, save them and then show them. I had a hard time finding appropriate videos for my daughter, that I created a webpage that houses good fun, clean videos. I will update it frequently, it's at Funny Videos for Everyone.
Even with the filters on Youtube, there is always a "filmmaker" that is able to get around these filters until they are caught and removed. But many of them enjoy finding ways to sneak content in seemingly innocent videos. Here are the steps to filter Youtube video content, taken directly from the Youtube site.
Go to any YouTube page.
Click the "Search" button.
Click the Advanced Options link at the top right of the search results page.
In the blue window that appears, select the box for "Filter videos that may not be suitable for minors."
In addition Youtube offers some helpful hints
Flag videos that violate our Community Guidelines.
Keep personal videos private.
Block users whose comments or messages are bothering you.
Keep comments clean and respectful.
Of course, even with the "keep comments clean and respectful" hint, you can imagine how well that works. My advice is, don't search for kids videos with your child next to you. Find appropriate videos, save them and then show them. I had a hard time finding appropriate videos for my daughter, that I created a webpage that houses good fun, clean videos. I will update it frequently, it's at Funny Videos for Everyone.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
My First Blog
Welcome world to my first blog! I feel honored that anyone would take a few moments out of their precious day to read what I have to say. But now that you're here, I hope you will stay and tell your friends about my blog. The more people that agree with a particular viewpoint, the more powerful that viewpoint becomes. As a group of like minded people we can be truly powerful. So I welcome all comments and thoughts because I think what you have to say is important.
My blog is about "Living in an R-rated World". Why write about this topic now? Truthfully, the reason is I have a wonderful seven year old daughter and I wish with all my heart that she has the kind of childhood that shapes her life so she grows up to be a wonderful, happy person. But until the past few years, I never thought about her environment much. Yes, I knew the standards for honor or appropriate behaviour have been slipping for many years but it never truly hit home until my daughter started to become aware of this R-rated world.
I believe I am a moderately strict parent but I also believe I am reasonable and very aware of our society. I am very protective of who she spends time with and of course, what she watches. We monitor her TV time very well, only age appropriate programming and movies. I also preview new shows to make sure I think they are appropriate for her and more often than not, that "hot" new show is not appropriate for her age.
Even though my daughter started me along this path, I don't want to make this blog only about kids. I also think that our world, with all of our wealth and knowledge, should treat all fellow humans with more respect. To quote Thomas Sowell, "one of the common failings among honorable people is a failure to appreciate how thoroughly dishonorable some other people can be, and how dangerous it is to trust them". It's true. I initially trust other people have the same ideals as I do so I trust them to make the right choices to rate movies, to create programming, to have my best interest in mind in a customer service situation or just about any human contact I have. I am frequently let down.
So in this blog I will bring up specific situations where we can make a difference. My dream is that our blog community can start a ripple that travels across the oceans. You are all helping me throw that first pebble.
My blog is about "Living in an R-rated World". Why write about this topic now? Truthfully, the reason is I have a wonderful seven year old daughter and I wish with all my heart that she has the kind of childhood that shapes her life so she grows up to be a wonderful, happy person. But until the past few years, I never thought about her environment much. Yes, I knew the standards for honor or appropriate behaviour have been slipping for many years but it never truly hit home until my daughter started to become aware of this R-rated world.
I believe I am a moderately strict parent but I also believe I am reasonable and very aware of our society. I am very protective of who she spends time with and of course, what she watches. We monitor her TV time very well, only age appropriate programming and movies. I also preview new shows to make sure I think they are appropriate for her and more often than not, that "hot" new show is not appropriate for her age.
Even though my daughter started me along this path, I don't want to make this blog only about kids. I also think that our world, with all of our wealth and knowledge, should treat all fellow humans with more respect. To quote Thomas Sowell, "one of the common failings among honorable people is a failure to appreciate how thoroughly dishonorable some other people can be, and how dangerous it is to trust them". It's true. I initially trust other people have the same ideals as I do so I trust them to make the right choices to rate movies, to create programming, to have my best interest in mind in a customer service situation or just about any human contact I have. I am frequently let down.
So in this blog I will bring up specific situations where we can make a difference. My dream is that our blog community can start a ripple that travels across the oceans. You are all helping me throw that first pebble.
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