Assault on the Ears?

Have you ever been driving with your kids and an advertisement comes on the air that makes you cringe as you scramble to change the station? Well you can make a difference! I was listening to sports radio while driving with my 8 year old daughter when a sexually suggestive car advertisement came on the air. I quickly changed the station, but then it got me mad. Why is this sports station allowing these types of commercials at 4 in the afternoon? So I sent them a complaint email stating they are probably losing listeners who do the same thing, or are even more offended and would refuse to listen to the station again. Well the following week, the car commercial from the same dealer said they were opening up a hotline for people to state their opinions about the commercial and ever since that time, the commercials have been much less offensive. I'm sure they received many more complaints than just mine. We do have the power, lets use it!

Does it matter where Ethics evolve from?

Ethics and morals can evolve and can be taught. This is how children learn what is right and wrong. But the basic principles for a person's conduct can be found in a variety of influences. Religous teachings can be extremely powerful but civic responsibility and fear can also be powerful. Some cultures bring deviant behavior back into line with social scorn or focusing on the importance of family honor. Civic responsibilty is also important to maintain order as people follow laws, mostly because they think society is better off for having them. This also explains why some cultures will tolerate behaviors from authority that they normally would not agree with, the shame of siding against the authority or the fear of the authority and the rationalization of the behavior.

Religious or personal evolvement is a more powerful ethic as the person feels that "God is watching" or judges an action based on personal beliefs. This governs actions even without the threat of discovery. Many adults know the best way to act but rationalize behavior based on the degree of an action, the "it's not that bad" mentality. Given that ethics are taught, the prevelance of this attitude has subtley changed our ethics to one of acceptance of "mild" lapses in judgement.

To truly understand our ethics and cement the principles in us and our children, we have to present it in a variety of ways. For example, we do not steal because A)religion forbids it(if this applies) B) it is against the law C) you are hurting the person your stealing from d) you did not earn the item e) society will look unfavorably on you. For everyone, not all of these will apply and the order is up to you, but showing how this action violates many different principles seems to a have a deeper effect on people.

What really is an "R-rated World"?

The definition of an R rating taken directly from the Motion Picture Association of America is "An R-rated motion picture, in the view of the Rating Board, contains some adult material. An R-rated motion picture may include adult themes, adult activity, hard language, intense or persistent violence, sexually-oriented nudity, drug abuse or other elements, so that parents are counseled to take this rating very seriously. Children under 17 are not allowed to attend R-rated motion pictures unaccompanied by a parent or adult guardian. Parents are strongly urged to find out more about R-rated motion pictures in determining their suitability for their children. Generally, it is not appropriate for parents to bring their young children with them to R-rated motion pictures."

So do I think that our "World" is not suitable for children under 17? Of course not, but we must constantly navigate through all of the "R rated" content that is visible and available to our children now more than ever. People posting foul language on comments about kids videos, advertising that is not appropriate for children shown on children's shows and media, movie promos for R-rated movies on the cartoon network and posters/advertising everywhere that are certainly not for kids. Heaped on top of this media assault is the casual language now prevelant in our society. It just magnifies the lack of consideration some people have for others. If someone chooses to speak that way with his friends and peers that's fine, but it is not appropriate in a public forum or around children.

Does Casual Friday Decrease Productivity?

When "casual Fridays" became widespread in the '90's, most companies did it to keep employees happy. The logic seemed sound, a happy employee would perform better. But is this really what happens? Don't show your boss the following research!

In three studies by Dr. Jeffrey Magee, a research psychologist, his company surveyed firms ranging in size from 100 employees to Fortune 500 companies. What the study found is that a casual dress code results in a relaxation of manners, ethics, productivity, absenteeism, quality, commitment, loyalty, HR complaints of behavior, foul language and tardiness. The study was so conclusive, that many companies, most notably Target, have decided to switch back to more professional clothing.

Other studies show that how a person dresses influence their behavior. People seem to act more refined when they are dressed up. So why do I bring this up? Because the casual attitude has a subtle influence on todays society. While we did need to "lighten up" in some instances, for the most part, we shouldn't lighten up when it comes to civility, manners, and etiquette. Now I'm not advocating everyone going back to the 1940's where all men wore suits and hats, but if we recognize what we are doing and how it is being eroded, we are better able to combat it.

People generally feel good when they dress up. This is when they feel they look their best. But can't we have the same type of pride and self-esteem with our casual clothes and casual attitude? Research says it's possible for some people, but most people will not take the same time to get ready when dressed casually or spend an equal amount of money on a casual wardrobe and as a result not have the same self esteem.

Clothing reflects the era, so in this "almost anything goes" casual culture, our clothing suits it very well. But there are signs of change. The fact that several companies are moving away from casual dress is an indication to me that perhaps we are slowly moving back towards a slightly more formal/respectful society. As we evolve and learn as a culture, our clothing reflects the attitudes of the times. I'm eternally optimistic that our manners/ethics/character will improve. Let's do it one person at a time.

Manners - How Important Are They?

Most studies show the over 75% of all Americans think that manners are declining. But how important are manners in the grand scheme of things? Again we can trace the decline of manners to the 1960's. As our culture became more obsessed with "I" and "me", we started to care less about others. Our community suffers as a result and we become less civil and respectful to each other. We simply don't care what others think. This sort of independence was fostered and taught to generations of children who now believe that their opinion is so precious that they have a right to be heard and expressed no matter what the situation. Independence and free thought are wonderful, but without understanding or compassion, it can be destructively self-centered. A detached, self-absorbed, independent free thinker cares nothing about the community and in our society where the loudest or wackiest get the most ink,it becomes satisfying and self promoting.

In our society, it is becoming increasing hard to have a civil debate. A respectful sharing of opinions simply doesn't happen very much anymore. From local board of education meetings to Rep. Joe Wilson yelling "You lie!" to the President during a speech to Congress, it's obvious that people are having an increasingly difficult time debating civility. To do this, we must open our minds to other possibilities and opinions. In other words we have to care what other people are thinking. We need our society to learn how to "play well with others". This means our children's have to socialize more and not spend 4 hours a day watching TV and 2 more on the computer or video games. We have to eat meals with our kids and spend quality, meaningful time with them. We have to teach them that every one's opinion counts and it's OK to disagree. Raising a thoughtful, independent, respectful, free thinking child is my life's ambition as a parent, but I know I have to struggle daily with the influences that could potentially eat away at my good intentions.

Respect and self-esteem seem to be the primary factors with this issue. A lack of respect for others and a feeling that ones opinion counts more than their neighbors. Everyone believes they are more informed or more enlightened than those with differing views. It becomes increasing hard to debate without someone taking it personally, so people have a whole host of "taboo" subjects. Twenty years ago it was common for a parent or teacher to verbally discipline another families children if they saw bad behavior. Now the fear of retribution limits it. One reason is that the standard of acceptable behavior twenty years ago was much more narrow, now the range of acceptable behavior is so wide parents don't want to comment on it.

The problem with trying to correct bad manners in today's society is that others are not shamed into better behavior anymore. If someone sees another exhibiting good manners, they frequently are not compelled to improve their own manners and may in fact ridicule them. We have to instill the independence and character of our children to withstand the assault of bad manners and retake the lost art of civility.

Building Character in Kids

Merriam-Webster define character as "moral excellence and firmness". I love this definition. Firmness is such an important part of character. It means that even though you may practice moral excellence, you must also stand up for yourselves and others. I am the most proud of my daughter when she exhibts these qualities, not getting a 100 on her test, although that makes me happy too!

So where do our children learn character. Of course parents, educators and family play a major role, but what do they learn when we aren't influencing them? I know this is scary, but the average American child between the age of 8 and 18 spend almost 4 hours a day in front of the TV and another 2 hours in front of a computer (not including schoolwork) and video games. According to studies by the University of Michigan and Parents TV, the number of minutes parents spend in meaningful conversation with their children is 3.5! While children are watching 1,680 minutes of TV a week. As powerful and as great a role model as you may be, the time differential is much too great. We need to spend more time with our kids and they need to spend less time in front of the TV and video games. In future posts I will address some of these issues in greater detail, but what is the result of so much TV?

While I believe many of these tests are inconclusive, Dr. John Nelson of the American Medical Association reports that in 2,888 of 3,000 studies, TV violence is a "casual factor" in real life. When I sift through the research as to what that really means, I'll report back to you. And of course all this inactivity also leads to obesity. A National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey found a more than a 100% increase in obesity since the 1960's.

I'm digressing a bit from character, but I wanted show what we are up against if we allow our children to watch so much TV. I certainly don't want my daughter learning her ethics from "Zach and Cody" or "iCarly".

There are several organizations that have programs and information to help you with teaching your child ethics and character. Character Counts has seminars and performs research. You can order a survey for your school on the site as well. Another great site I found is the Utah Education Network. This site has classroom activities and strategies to improve character.If you click on "Class extensions" the "Strategies for empowering Students" you will see all of the classroom activities they have to offer. While it's nice that more and more schools are offering character building programs, the primary responsibility lies with parents. Many of these thought provoking exercises serve to reinforce what you have probably been stressing for years, but the excercise may strike a cord with your child and of course it is more quality time with your child.

Moral Standards- are they really getting worse?

It's hard to gauge something like "moral standards" or "personal ethics", and since our society is constantly changing, does our standards for decency get eroded? Looking at our society today, it seems that the world in general is a better place to live. The world community seems to reel in rogue nations, and great cruelty is a great call to action as long as it is on a large scale and in the media. But our society seems to be moving to a middle ground where you can be "too nice" and at the same time, recognizes the truly bad behavior. "Too nice" seems absurd, but these people are derided as naive or out of touch. The middle ground, where it seems most people want to be, is slowly shifting away from ideal ethical behavior.

While researching my initial assumption, I found a study of American Teenagers in 2008 by the non-profit Josephson Institute. In the study, almost 30,000 teenagers were asked a variety of questions regarding lying, cheating and stealing behaviors.

Here are the results,

30% admitted to stealing from a store in the past year (35% boys/26% girls)
83% admitted to lying to their parents about something significant
64% admitted to cheating on a test

But apparently, the teenagers did not feel these were very serious dishonest acts as 93% of the students felt they were satisfied with their character and 77% felt they were better at doing the right thing than most people.

You may be wondering, as I was, how this compares to prior years and each result was 2-4% worse than just 2 years ago. It has been a trend since they have performed these tests.

Teenagers are not the only segment of our society where ethical behavior is an issue. In studies by groups such as "Business for Social Responsibility" and the "Institute of Business Ethics", as well as countless published research by psychologists show that our ethical behavior is declining in the workplace.

All of this research leads me to believe that our impressions are grounded in fact, the moral and ethical standards of our society are slowly eroding.

In all cases where they choose to measure it, the "harmless" lying, cheating and small scale stealing does not hurt the self image. We see ourselves as having fine character and our behaviors as ethical. We are slowly becoming a society of moderate morality. As long as we aren't "that bad" we are "basically good people". We are desensitized to minor ethical flaws because they have become so prevalent, so normal and so expected, that we are suprised when a person tells someone else that they just dropped a $20 bill out of their wallet.

I want to change this, I want people to tell me when I drop $20 out of my wallet, but most of all I want my daughter and other kids like her to grow up knowing what the right thing to do really means.